Why Torture the Body with Unnecessary Pain

My wife asks me questions like “why do I put myself through so much pain and agony with cycling?” or “why do I have to compete in cycling?”. She is right, I do not have to compete or put myself through so much pain in races or training. After all, I have a perfect excuse to avoid pain since I am already in pain with a neurological disorder. Thus, it defies logic and commonsense to enhance my pain levels. However, I have explained some of my reasons in the previous posts: For instance, having the good pain from training helps mask some of the bad pain from the neurological disorder. That is one important reason for my dose of daily torture on a bike. But there are other reasons as well.

Just eight to ten years ago I was being tested for sinister disorders such as ALS and MS. Everything came back negative, but I had the tests redone a few years later to double check the results since I was still convinced I had something majorly wrong with my body. These results also came back negative. Although, I was diagnosed with Cramp Fasciculation Syndrome (CFS), it could have been worse so I find myself as being very lucky. If I had ALS, I would currently be dead and not writing this blog post. CFS is no joy, but it is better than the alternatives. So, in my view, I was granted a second chance at life since I was convinced that I was dying just a few short years ago. When you get a second chance at life you not only realize that life is short and precious, but you also understand that you are mortal and life can end at any moment without notice. Most of us take life for granted, I know I was in that group. You need to make the most of life regardless of the adversity or the situations you may face. Furthermore, I was told that exercise intolerance was a sub-symptom from all the primary symptoms of my CFS disorder. My life was going to change for the worse because I would no longer be able to exercise with intensity or do many of the activities I love anymore. The doctors were partially right. I found certain types of exercise and activities no longer possible because of both extreme pain levels and safety concerns over paresthesia symptoms in my hands and feet (such as rock climbing). However, for some unexplained reason, I can cycle. Sure, it can be painful (proportional to the intensity of the workout), but it has been manageable. All that being said, each day it is becoming more difficult to ride (slightly, but more difficult none the less). The strange thing is that although my pain levels are going up after riding, I continue to improve. No one can explain this phenomenon.

Therefore, I try to explain to my wife what if she thought she would eventually lose the ability to cycle, wouldn’t she try to make the most out of what time she had with the activity? If she was given a second chance at life wouldn’t she try to make the most of it and pursue goals that have eluded her during her lifetime? If she was good at cycling and getting better even though she is in her 50s with neuro disorder, wouldn’t she want to know how good she can be, especially understanding it could be taken away without a moment’s notice? You have one chance at life, would she regret not making the most of an opportunity? Wouldn’t it be a crime not to use my legs (although in pain) when so many others are suffering around the world and they literally cannot use their legs? Sometimes we fail to realize how fortunate we are in this country and how lucky most of us are to have the freedom to do almost anything that we want. But when you lose many of those freedoms wouldn’t you want to make the most out of what freedoms you still have? Unfortunately, we never realize how much we miss something until it is too late and it is gone. And although I have evolved, I surely miss the activities I can no longer partake in, but I will not have any regrets when and if cycling is taken away from me. I am riding with passion and conviction every day. I am giving it my all. I will miss cycling if it taken away from me, but I know I put every ounce of effort behind the sport on daily basis, so I will have no regrets.

When Dreams Come True

I always dreamed of becoming a State Champion at something, it could have been anything: athletics or academia. Since my athletic prowess was limited, the closest I ever came was in my eighth-grade math club and that was not very close. Like most kids I dreamed of being a pro athlete and even making the Olympic team and winning a gold medal. All kids dream, but those dreams very seldom become a reality.

In 1979, I was a freshman in high school and a kid by the name of Keith Alston from neighboring Neptune High School won the state wrestling championship (Winning a wrestling state title in New Jersey was very hard since there was only 1 champion for all schools regardless of size). I read the article and dreamed about how cool that was and how lucky he was. I turned the page and there was a short article about how Alston died in a car accident coming home from the event. For years, I debated if Alston would have changed his destiny by giving up that state championship in exchange for the rest of life – about another 60 to 70 years. I don’t think Alston would have changed his destiny because he reached the pinnacle of his sport, a sport he loved and he trained so hard to excel. It changed my feelings about winning a state championship, I do not think there was anything out there more important than life until I found cycling because this sport comes with some risks.

After winning a state masters cycling championship (Colorado and Wyoming) in the time trial it made me truly understand the sacrifice, love, and pain associated with athletics. People do not understand the love people may have for a sport and how much suffering it takes to win a state title. I am certain Alston made the choice for his destiny. Why? Because I take some of the same risks every day. When I train outside I know there is a chance I may not see another day. Cars do not see you and even if they do they do not slow down or give you room. I go fast most days, and although I am going at or below the speed limit, when people see a cyclist they are not expecting them to be going 25, 30, or even 40 MPH so they pull out in front of me. I avoid at least one close call every week, yet I continue to ride and train. It would seem the risk is not worth it. Each year dozens of cyclists are killed or maimed from car accidents in Colorado alone. I try to mitigate risks by cycling on less busy roads, cycling at off peak hours, and wearing bright clothing but nothing will completely eliminate the risks. Why is it so important to risk life and limb? I do not exactly know. I believe being diagnosed with a neurological disorder changed how I view life. I literally thought I had ALS and would be dead in a few years. After ALS and MS were ruled out, I realized I was lucky to be diagnosed with cramp fasciculation syndrome. What I have is no picnic, but I have been given a second chance at life. Although exercise intolerance is one of my symptoms, I fight through it for one last chance to achieve some of my childhood dreams. The pain of training on top of a neurological disorder is extremely intense. I keep telling myself I will quit once I reach my full potential, but each day and week I keep getting better. I do not understand it and more importantly my doctors do not understand it. Yes, you can improve and get better at certain sports even in your 50s, 60s, and 70s. Each year I accomplish all my goals. It is amazing, I have never had so much success at anything.

I may not have ever been an Olympian or raced in the Tour de France but I race against a person who has accomplished these feats – Norman Alvis. Alvis was one of America’s best cyclists outside of Greg LeMond in the 80s (and 90s). Alvis was a U.S. cycling champion and held the one-hour time trial record (on a track) for nearly 20 years (it was just broken last year). Alvis currently holds the U.S. record for the one-hour time trial for the 50+ group. He rode the Tour de France and Italia multiple times. His team finished 10th for the team trial in the 88 Olympics. Alvis beat me by a mere 7 seconds in an 8-mile time trial earlier this summer (16:48 to 16:55). I may not have accomplished my dreams of the Olympics, but I am holding my own racing against a former Olympian. The success of Greg LeMond generated dreams of riding in the Tour, and although that did not happen, I am holding my own against a guy who did. This is just as good as accomplishing that dream.

Please do not give up on your dreams and goals. No matter how hard and difficult persistence and hard work generally pay off. I am not saying dreams are worth dying over, but accomplishing them before you die is well worth some risk. Unfortunately, it took a situation where I thought I was going to die before I truly pursued some of my dreams. We should not require a wake-up call before we show some urgency to live life to its fullest.

From Peripheral Nerve Disorder to State and National Cycling Champ

I am not going to go into any detail about my disorder (Cramp Fasciculation Syndrome - CFS) or its symptoms because I have written lots of articles on that subject in this blog. And I am not going to go into any detail about the havoc this disorder wreaks on the lives of people who have peripheral nerve disorders (PND) and how difficult it is to exercise, especially intensely (I have documented this in great detail). I will say without CFS I would have never found cycling. I had to evolve and find new sport activities since my disorder made it virtually impossible to do other activities without it being a safety concern or without a great deal of pain. Do not get me wrong, it hurts to cycle, but the pain levels are tolerable even when training at a high level.

My message in this blog is to tell folks with PND to keep fighting and evolving. Life it too short to miss out. This year I won the Colorado Masters Time Trial Championship (Age: 50+, Category: 4 & 5) and the National Senior Games 5K and 10K Time Trial Championships (50-54 Open Division). I finished 13th at the USA Nationals Masters Time Trial Championships (50-54 Open Division) – This is the most competitive national race. I was a mere few seconds from earning a top 10 finish and my time would have been good enough to place 5th in the 55-59 group which is less than two years away for me.

I am not too sure what is next for me. I miss riding a bike just for fun. Do not get me wrong, it is fun to go fast, but that fun is not realized until the race is over and you catch your breath. Training is fun, but it is really painful. I’ll continue to take it one day at a time and try to remain humble with my successes and learn from my failures.

My wife asks me why I put myself through so much pain and travel aggravation to compete. I told her a few short years ago I was being tested for ALS and MS and I thought I was dying. After being diagnosed with CFS it was blessing but my life was changing for the worse. When I found cycling it made me appreciate that much more that I have an activity I can do. I figured it was just a matter of time before the slow progression of my disorder took cycling away from me as well. So I wanted to make the most of what I had because it could go away at any time. I wake up every day and realize how lucky I am because there are lots of people suffering in this world much worse than I am. What I am going through was a wakeup call for me and I am doing my best to answer that call and make the most of it.

I have been told my entire life that I would not amount to much. My mother, when she was mad at me, would tell me how stupid I was since I had issues with reading and writing. I worked hard to prove her wrong. I got rejected at most schools because they said my test scores and grades were not good enough to be an engineer. I worked hard to prove them wrong. At work I was told product and test engineers were inconsequential and did not make a difference like design and system engineers. I became one of few product and test engineers to be named a Distinguished Member of the Technical Staff. Multiple neurologists told me my life would change for the worse and I would not be able to remain active. I have worked hard to prove them wrong. I really do not like it when people tell me I cannot do something and it motivates me to prove them wrong. My wish is everyone with peripheral nerve disorders also prove their neurologists wrong! Do not settle with what they prognosticate for you! I believe most people can overcome a great deal of adversity if they put their minds to it.

Pain is relative and it is impossible for anyone to know what is going on inside another human being. Maybe my pain is not as bad as others, but I know my hands and feet hurt a great deal. My muscles are sore to touch. I know I definitely have pain, but it is impossible to relate my PND experiences with others because we are so unique. Peripheral Nerve Disorders attack each of us differently and remedies that work for one person to relieve pain will not work for another. I receive several emails per week from people suffering and I do not have many answers for them, but if you want someone to talk with feel free to write me. I do my best to try to motivate others. When I wake up I say to myself there is no way I can train today. I never feel like training, but once I get going I feel better for doing it. I encourage those with exercise intolerance to force themselves to walk, they will feel better for doing it. Besides, the pain from training or exercise will mask the pain from CFS which is a much more desirable outcome.

How to get faster on a bike: Suffer (Part II)

My neurological condition does not enable me to train very long for endurance, about 2.5 hours maximum before pain and cramping become unbearable. Hence, I tend to train in shorter time intervals, but more intensely than others. Most days when I ride, I ride hard and try to put some stress or suffering on the body for at least some portion of the ride. My weekly rides consist of a 38 mile ride up and back from Cottonwood Pass (12,126 feet from 8,000) feet in 2:05:00 to 2:25:00; or I do two or three hill repeats up a 2.4 mile 850 foot climb as hard as I can do them; or I will do a time trial over a variety of terrain (flat 5K sprints, 10.7 mile 700 feet, or 22 mile 1,200 feet); or I do some sort of interval training on a low incline (30 second to 10 minute intervals). I also try to schedule a Time Trial race (or some other race: road race, criterium, or hill climb) each week. I try to do a personal best most days training and all days racing. I generally have 1 to 2 easy rides and at least 1 day off each week. When I race, I make sure that I am so tired I cannot sprint for the finish. People that have enough energy to do an all-out sprint the final 250 meters or so had enough energy that could have been used to sustain higher speeds during the race. They did not suffer enough. I do not plan out a strategy for a race, I go as fast as I can which varies depending on the distance of the race. I have an average speed I try to attain for each race. I usually try to keep a steady pace but will attack going up hills a bit harder and pull back a bit on the downhill. My neurological condition makes it difficult for me to change speeds (my quick or fast muscle twitch in my quads is non-existent) and hence, I excel at getting up to speed and trying to maintain that pace. There have been many workouts and races where I have been in so much pain that I never thought I would finish, but that is part of the fun: to work through that adversity and suffering. To endure pain psychologically and or mentally I remind myself that there are so many people around the globe that are suffering much more than myself and I push on.

In many regards I believe my neurological condition helps me endure more pain while I cycle. It is odd, but sometimes the pain I feel from my disorder masks the pain I should be feeling while I ride. On most rides my hands and feet are in lots of pain. I suffer from paresthesia in my hands and feet 24/7. And of course that condition worsens when I am on the bike. Usually my hands and feet will stay cold, but from time to time they will get hot and I suffer some neuropathy symptoms where my brain is actually telling my body that my feet are burning. It is so real that when I am done riding my feet are covered in blisters. The pain is so intense I cannot even remember struggling to get oxygen in my lungs during these rides, but I was going very fast.

Pain is relative and we can never understand how much pain others are going through. I was abused as child and suffered many broken bones that were never treated; I wrestled in high school; and suffer from a painful neurological disorder whose primary symptom is exercise intolerance. Yet, some of the suffering I go through on a bike is worse than I have ever experienced. For this reason, I know my training is putting me through some extreme suffering. Some say you cannot put yourself through so much pain and not rest. However, my neurological condition never rests, I am going to be in pain one way or the other. I may as well feel “good” pain from exercising than the “bad” pain from my disorder. Sure, my cycling career may be short lived from the intensity of my workouts, but I am probably already on borrowed time with the neurological disorder.

I was never a great athlete. In high school I was an average runner, below average wrestler, and average baseball and football player. I probably overachieved because I did not have any gifted athletic talent. Now, I am a well above average masters cyclists (time trial). How can that happen? I cannot explain it but I have some theories. It is not technology or equipment because everyone else has the best that money can buy. It is not my natural doping living at 8000 feet because everyone in Colorado has natural doping. Masters competition is a war of attrition and chance. First, you must survive that long. Second, you must remain relatively healthy and free from serious injury. Third, you must still have the desire to compete – most top competitors give up and retire from sports altogether when they are young. There is no question I meet all three of these requirements with the exception of the neurological disorder. The disorder has made it practically impossible to do any sports, including hiking (too much pain and cramping making recovery times several days to weeks), except to ride a bike or to walk at a moderate pace. The only explanation for my success is my ability to train my body to deal with pain and suffering for races. A few labs at UC Irvine conducted tests on me to better understand my physical makeup that makes me an anomaly. They discovered nothing to shed any light on the situation: why an average high school athlete can become a better masters’ athlete despite a debilitating neurological disorder? My only explanation is my desire to suffer when I train and race.

How to get faster on a bike: Suffer (Part I)

Most people, nowadays, rely on technology and data to improve their cycling performance. There is an electronic gadget for everything: Speed, RPMs (cadence), heart rate, and power. They even have indoor simulators which make boring rides more exciting. Of all these parameters, most people rely on power training data to improve performance. However, I am getting better and I do not rely on any of these things in my training. The one place I rely on technology is for equipment. Since the key to time trial racing is to be aerodynamic, it is important to have a good time trial bike, aero helmet, and low drag skin suit and shoe covers. Time trial racers look silly in what my wife calls our costumes, but the equipment does matter. Due to cost, I added one item at a time and saw significant time savings. The other place technology is important is to get professionally fitted on your bike every season. In time trials positioning on the bike is the most important aspect. However, some believe that being in the most aerodynamic position will improve race times, but that is not necessarily true. The most aerodynamic position will be very uncomfortable and it can make it harder to breathe and to maximize power and therefore, most riders slowly work their way into more aero positions each season as their body adjusts biomechanically.

I am new to the sport so I have a great opportunity to improve whereas other riders who have been competitive for decades do not have as much room to grow (especially with age). But I have found training using a heart rate monitor, power meter, or cadence monitor does not really work for me, it tends to be analysis paralysis (I am an engineer, and have always found too much data can be detrimental). Knowledgeable people have said a high cadence is needed to go fast (the body saves energy by pushing an easier gear at a higher cadence than a harder gear at a lower cadence). My cadence is 5 RPM’s slower than last year (about 75), and I am going faster. Experts say riders should have a minimum cadence of 90. Experts also say older riders need more rest days to recover. However, I sleep worse on days off and my morning heart rate the day after a day off is much higher than if I exercised hard the day before. I take time off, but not as much as experts suggest. Experts claim a power meter and HR monitor are essential for training. I understand my heart very well and use average speed to understand how hard I am working instead of power meter. When I go to a race I do not have a threshold power to maintain, I have an average speed to maintain. After all, speed and placement are the two most important factors. Yes, I use technology, but only average speed as a training mechanism. Despite what experts say, my methods have worked for me. I find the most important thing to do to get better is to train hard by preparing the body through suffering to endure massive amounts of pain for races. I am in competition with myself each day of training or racing. If I can improve my times, I will get better. Yes, this is an old school training philosophy – it is as simple as that.

Every study on pain indicates that highly competitive runners and cyclists can endure massive amounts of pain when compared to noncompetitive athletes. In fact, studies indicate athletes taking pain medication can improve their performance. Many Tour de France riders take pain medication. I do not recommend this for amateur cyclists riding much shorter distances. I take Ibuprofen most nights, but that is to deal with pain for a neurological disorder. I do not take it during the day because it has bad side effects such as making the user drowsy and tired and it can therefore, have a negative effect on your riding. The bottom line is these studies prove that dealing with pain is the key to performance. People may have a low metabolic age or a very high VO2 max, but that does not mean they will be top performers. If you cannot endure pain and suffering while training, you cannot succeed especially in time trials. In a time trial racers start in 30 second intervals and therefore, riders do not know how fast other riders are going. This means there is no time to relax. A time trial is a maximum effort of speed and or power which riders can endure for the entire distance of the race. Time trials are short (5K to 40K or about 6:30 to 55:00 minutes depending on conditions), but riding for nearly an hour at maximum power and a heart rate at 95+% of its maximum is pure torture. One reason I do not need technology when I race is because I automatically get my heart rate up to 95% of maximum. Several years of data proved this fact, and hence I do not rely on my heart rate monitor anymore.